🚩 The Art of Trust Detection - TRUST-able #36

Criteria for evaluating trustworthiness in business partnerships - Top negative trust signals / What to look out for instead + 10 non-obvious ways to rapidly gain trust in person

Knowing Who To Trust When In a New Country

Jolted into a new world. 

From Mexico to Thailand.

It’s beauty and fear caressing me softly at the same time. 

My world, surroundings, relationships, and food have changed so suddenly and deeply that I’m unsure where I have ended up and if this will be my future home.

For now, I have given up on it. I have no place to call home.

I guess it’s the price you pay for wanting to be so free.

I feel suspended between completely different worlds, trying to understand who I am and where I want to go next.

So Different

Both Mexico and Thailand offer beautiful scenery, magical beaches, and an exotic culture rich in values, traditions, and respect, but in radically different ways.

Gestures that once meant support and friendship can suddenly communicate rudeness and disrespect.

Everything is new and different.

A constant flow of adrenaline and a tiny fear accompany every new step in this new journey outside my familiar borders.

I’m slowly rediscovering what it takes to settle in and become a trusted person in a human ecosystem that’s as different and far from my previous experiences as Jupiter is from planet earth.

Observing and Listening

Observation and attentive listening are for now my key tools to understand and adjust to all these new energies around me.

Outside my research and writing work online, I’m facing new challenges and opportunities I had not been exposed to before. 

And so, to make things work, I need to be extra careful and attentive in selecting who I give trust to and who I partner with, without appearing too closed or paranoid. 

That’s why attentively observing and listening actively give me the most insight in understanding all these new communication and relationship patterns.

I avoid superficial comments or expressing my feelings, and I focus on observing my new contacts and business partners to understand them deeply before making my moves. 

Trust Detection

In particular, whenever someone introduces a new person to me, I pay great attention to those actions and behaviors who may signal someone I shouldn’t trust.

It’s not easy, but with time and age, you develop special sensors and an intuitive capability that helps you rapidly evaluate the trustworthiness of someone new.

The following are my personal criteria I use to evaluate, as rapidly as possible, whether a person is trustworthy in a business context.

I have learned them from many mistakes and trusting too many people who didn’t deserve it.

I’d like to share these criteria to offer a personal, non-academic perspective on what to look for to understand who to trust when you are far away from home as well as to assist you in becoming more aware of behaviours you may want to consider reviewing.

To make things more interesting, before reading them, I invite you to jot down and share in the comments your own personal list of trust-checking criteria (say at least the top 3 criteria you use - more is fine), so that we can all learn from each other.

N.B.: For each one of these trustworthiness-checking criteria, I also provide - as a counterpoint - the typical behavior used by highly trustworthy people.  

Behaviors Signaling Individuals with Low-Trust Levels 

1) Blaming - Justifying

Not taking responsibility for what goes wrong - blaming others, events, unpredictability of things. Accusing. 

High-trust behavior:

• Praising others

• Taking full responsibility for everything

2) Self-Orientation  - Boasting / Hyping - Unrequested Evangelism

“We do this, we do that…”. “It’s going to be a success.” “We’re the best.”

Wanting to show and impress others. Intent in persuading and explaining to others (unrequested) how things are/work/function.

High-trust behavior: 

• Playing low-profile

• Being very humble about future success

3) Self-Assurance

Playing down risks - there’s no problem attitude. 

“Don’t worry…” as the official mantra. 

High-trust behavior: 

• Identifying all possible risks

• Having a plan B for each risk

• Planning for the worst

• Planning unexpected events, problems and accidents

4) Improvising

Making last minute plans - saving situations from the neck - acting at the very last minute. Little or no planning. Vague appointment hours.

High-trust behavior: 

• Deep planning

• Anticipating problems

• Precise appointment times

5) Talking-Talking

Focusing on talking rather than listening. Low ability to truly, attentively listen and respond to inputs. Focused on exposing his/her ideas and opinions. 

High-trust behavior: 

• Listening attentively and closely

• Asking relevant questions

• Taking notes

• Not interrupting

6) Bad Contacts

Spending time with low-trust people. 

High-trust behavior: 

• Frequenting high-trust individuals

• Reducing time spent with untrustworthy people

• Seeking and cultivating relationships with high-trust individuals 

7) Bad Rapping

Badmouthing others, collaborators, or competitors - criticizing and blaming others who are not present. 

High-trust behavior:

• Praising others 

• Having a “learning from others” attitude.

• Silently using other people's mistakes as business opportunities.

8) Late-Coming - Not On-Time

Being late at appointments

High-trust behavior:

• Being always on time or ahead of time

9)  Always Running - with Little Time - Doing Things in a Hurry

Stressed between too many things to be done. Having little time - always on the run. Little or no delegation. Executing with too little time. Cutting corners and approximate for lack of time. Taking decisions in a hurry, under pressure. 

High-trust behavior:

• Good daily planning

• Knowing how to prioritize.

• Reserving enough time for important activities 

• Drastically reducing the number of important things to do in one day

• Delegating

10) Interrupting 

Intervening when others talk without letting them complete. Adding, breaking in and constantly relaunching what others are saying without waiting for the other parties to finish.

High-trust behavior:

• Listening closely

• Taking notes

• Reflecting back what one has understood

11) Jumping Topics

Moving from topic to topic without ever completing one and arriving at a conclusion

High-trust behavior:

• Orderly presentation 

• Analyzing one topic at a time

• Arriving at conclusions / decisions before changing topic

12) Discussing

Adopting - during business meetings a discussion approach.

High-trust behavior:

• Establish objectives to be achieved by the meeting

• Listening and taking into account all viewpoints 

• Coming to agreements before moving on

13) Lack of Transparency

Hiding conflicts of interest. Downplaying / hiding personal failures, problems or issues.

High-trust behavior:

• Recognizing and publicly acknowledging personal failures

• Apologizing 

• Taking proactive action to correct errors

10 Non-Obvious, Rapid Trust-Building Behaviors

10 non-obvious ways to rapidly build trust with a business partner, supplier, or client. These methods are rarely used but highly effective.

1) Being 100% Present

Providing 110% attention to the other party. Listening closely, never interrupting, and always asking questions to make sure the details are well understood.

2) Be a Special Connector / Introducer

Take time to thoughtfully curate connections between people based on their unique needs. Then, introduce the other person thoughtfully. Tailoring the introductions adds a layer of care, which builds trust.

3) Greetings and Small Gestures

Warmly welcome the other person, pausing or interrupting any other activity, and making sure the greeting feels heartfelt. Ask the other how he feels. Celebrate each minor milestone achieved.

4) Personalized, Pre-Emptive Feedback

Instead of providing feedback after the fact, when the mission is completed or when feedback is requested, pay close attention to anything that could benefit from small changes and improvements. Present this insight in a non-critical, constructive and helpful way before it becomes a larger issue. 

5) Random Acts of Unrelated Kindness

Surprise the other person with small, personal acts unrelated to work, like sending an interesting article on their favorite hobby or recommending a book they’d love. These actions show that you see the other party as more than just a business partner.

6) Subtle Alignment of Values (Non-Verbal Cues)

Without directly stating your shared values, find ways to mirror their principles through your actions or decisions in subtle ways. People tend to trust those who seem aligned with their own ethical or moral compass, often without needing to verbalize it.

7) Creating Shared Memory Landmarks

Build personal history by co-creating a unique experience or tradition during business meetings. This could be always dining at a specific place or starting meetings with a lighthearted gesture or phrase. These shared memories create bonds of familiarity and trust over time.

8) Ask for Feedback on Vulnerabilities

Instead of showcasing only strengths, ask your business partner or client for feedback on areas where you might improve. This shows humility, a willingness to grow, and positions you as genuinely interested in self-improvement, breaking the typical power dynamics.

9) Proactively Admit to Mistakes Before They're Noticed

If you identify an error or oversight, acknowledge it before it becomes apparent to others. This transparency can disarm skepticism and demonstrates integrity by taking responsibility early on, showing you care about long-term relationships more than short-term appearances.

10) Consistently Underpromise and Overdeliver—But Without Marketing It

To build authentic trust, consistently deliver more than expected without mentioning it. This approach relies on subtlety and continuous reliability, making people feel they’re in capable hands without needing to broadcast it.

Thanks for reading and supporting this work.

I welcome feedback, ideas, and suggestions.

Follow a path with a heart.

The time is NOW.

From sunny Koh Samui island,

Robin Good